An arsonist has spoken out today to allay concerns that burning the entire country to the ground for the profit of an internationalist clique of kleptocrats and neocons may cause a few issues, not least with housing stocks, by saying a contingency to fight the fire they have started is being put in place.
“People should take reassurance and comfort in my plan to put sand in a red bucket and label it ‘FIRE’,” the firestarter commented,
“also in the irony that the tin foil hat brigade who have said there is an international conspiracy to take over the world and subvert western democracy may finally have been proven correct. Which is nice. Even if the conspirators are different to those usually listed. Wish fulfilment is lovely. It’s what I strive for daily.”
The fire safety measure, labelled ‘Bucket of sand’, will see one red bucket labelled ‘FIRE’ placed on a sandy beach somewhere in the U.K., so it can easily be refilled after use.
”There is absolutely nothing to worry about,” the arsonist said, while idly striking matches along a match box and flicking them at pieces of paper with ‘rights’ scrawled across them.
”Food supplies. Medicine. Utilities and transport maybe affected by the blazing inferno that I am helping fan across our United Kingdom, but there is nothing to worry about. Bucket means bucket.”
Asked if there were additional measures people could take if they were worried about the flames now consuming centuries of progress concerning representative democracy, the arsonist had some neat advice.
”Go and stand by the red bucket full of sand labelled fire.”
And then what?
”Stick your head in it,” she smiled, “if enough people continue to do just that it will ensure we make a success of Brexit.”