The man nominally in charge at the DExEU now has extra responsibilities. One, obviously, is accumulating moderate amounts of food in the increasingly likely instance of a no deal Brexit.
It takes a small amount of judgement to decide what passes as ‘adequate’, but any old fool can stockpile groceries. Raab is ideally qualified.
He is also charged with doing an outstandingly poor job in order to make his predecessor seem competent.
Any old fool can also make David Davis look like a lazy, over-promoted buffoon. This, by way of contrast, makes Raab’s job almost impossible.
Raab, however, has already made an outstanding start. In issuing empty threats to the EU and having his role as chief negotiator taken away from him, Davis’ old dunce’s cap is fitting very nicely. And if the cap fits…
“Dominic hash filled my clown shoes admirably,” Davis hiccupped from amidst a pile of empty bottles in a wine cellar somewhere in France.
“I pulled rank by losing rank to make a more junior Tory look like a fucking idiot and make myself look good.”
Davis paused to knock back another bottle.
“Tell young Dominic it’sh a job for life,” he slurred, gesticulating vaguely.
“Eashy peashy. Shit around doing shod all and shounding shtrong. Shtrong and shtable.”
He collapsed gently, lovingly caressing his bottle.
“Shtrong and shtable, shtrong and shtable!”
Back at the Department for Exiting The Department for Exiting the EU, Raab was glowing with pride.
“Look!” he said, pointing to a selection of shopping bags.
“I’ve been shopping! Who knew that Tesco had shops in London? And it’s so much cheaper than Harrod’s! Did you know they do baked beans with sausages in? It’s a whole new world!”
“It will make the budget stretch that much further, Raab continued.
“Every little helps. I need enough food to last 50 years. This is going to be easy!”
And with that, he summoned the departmental limo to take him to the nearest Aldi.
The government advises everyone to go out panic buying so they can get a feel for Brexit Britain even before the glorious reality happens.