Forget those fears of staying awake at night with a growling and hungry stomach as Dominic Raab MP has today confirmed that HMG is going to stockpile food for No Deal Brexit.
”Well, private companies will be paid to do it,” Raab clarified, “I wouldn’t trust us to do it! You’ll all starve. We’re definitely doing this. Well they are. Never miss a chance to move public money to private coffers. Words to govern by. We can’t even tell you why we’re doing this Brexit anymore. We’re pretty much just dancing in ever faster circles behind closed doors and hoping for a magic solution that will lets us slash tax to shreds but not get gullotined. I’m starting to sweat before I even get up in the morning. Does your room spin when you’re alone too? Does your reflection swear at you too?”
The minister of state’s concerns come on the back of the observation that anyone in government standing next to prominent Brexit MPs like Raab has also starting to uncontrollably dance in ever faster Brexit circles. This has not gone unnoticed in fictional medical circles.
”They’ve dancing sickness they have,” Roger Poker M.D. told LCD Views, “it’s a form of contagious madness. They’re going to dance themselves to death and they may well take us with them unless they enter the end state of terminal dehydration prior to March 29th 2019.”
Can we play some variety of music to help increase the tempo of their dancing?
”Well, a classic album called ‘Official Opposition Party Like You Understand Today and not 1970’ would help them get to the fatal stage before infecting too many others, but no one has been able to locate a copy for a couple of years now.”
Dancing Sickness was an occasional plague in the Middle Ages and into the 19th Century.
”They used to think it was caused by ergot poisoning on grains bread was made from by the afflicted communities,” Doctor Poker explained, “but now we realise the cause is a government of complete and utter fucking idiots.”