The dominant force in United Kingdom’s politics has its shovel in hand today and is digging with the announcement of a massive expansion to England’s land mass ahead of Brexit.
”It’s to properly stuff the Irish,” Iain Duncan Smith told LCD Views, via a secure Skype connection from the walk in fridge he lives in.
It seems recent traitorous utterings by the jumped up ideologue across the Irish Sea has provoked mighty England’s visionary patriots to act.
”If we’re going to have an air war against the Irish, and the rest of the EU 27, having more land is the way to win in the air,” Irritiable Duncan affirmed, “more land means we control more air, hot and cold. It also extends our fishing territory deep into the heart of Bavaria. A tangible benefit.”
It’s believed under the plan the mountainous regions of Scotland and Wales will be pulverised and dumped into the sea surrounding England.
”Think of it as a massive boost to the economy via work creation for all the lazy unemployed in the subjugated tribal regions of the English empire.”
Work is expected to begin by the weekend with the army moved into the lower regions of the Scottish highlands to ensure no cattle rustlers turn their hands to thieving English shovels.
”We need to win in the air by expanding our land,” Iain reiterates helpfully, “Boris will be happy too. He gets to have his Thames estuary airport. Only it will be about a mile off the coast of France and a RAF one.”
Critics of the scheme have raised concerns though that expanding England so close to the European mainland will make it easier for young, fertile English breeding stock to escape after Brexit.
”It’s not a worry. With a pick in hand and hacking apart rock all day, before their fruit picking shift, no one under fifty will have the energy to build a raft and flee.”
But what is this exciting plan to secure our future called?
”Operation Bullfrog,” IDS said, “as we’re puffing ourselves up well beyond our actual size to gain a tangible advantage.”
Get your shovels England and get digging. Across the border. In Scotland and Wales.