There was welcome clarification regarding the U.K. Brexit timetable today as the government released a statement saying, “[The] Article 50 notice period expiring just before the new EU tax laws start in April 2019 was just an accident.”
”We wanted to pour oil on ruffled feathers,” said Priti Patel MP, “I may no longer be a cabinet minister, due to that curious little episode involving me attempting to secretly divert taxpayer money to a foreign military. But the failure to fully investigate what the f*ck I was up to means I’m free to return after Brexit.”
The reassurance was needed as there appears to be a baffling suspicion within remoaner circles that attempting to crash the U.K. out of the EU, thus ensuring no transition period, is part of some dark money conspiracy.
”It’s clearly merely a coincidence,” Priti said, “we don’t think that far in advance in Quitling think tanks. And we love funding our social services and public utilities, in spite of running everything into the ground and privatising all we can. That’s another coincidence.”
It’s hoped the clarification will stop the detractors of Brexit who are undermining May’s negotiating hand by failing to get behind the project.
”It’s a big bear,” Priti commented, “I mean bug bear. Dominic “rabid” Raab tabled a series of perfectly reasonable notes with that Eurocrat Barnier last week and he responded by pointing to social media posts. He said if your people are not united as one voice we can’t possibly let you cherry pick the single market.”
While the hardcore Quiltings push to crash out of the EU is now back in full swing, it’s our duty as a public broadcaster to make sure everyone understands the timing of Article 50 notification and the coming into force of new EU tax laws to crackdown on tax dodging is just a coincidence.