The now world famous Brexit Industries are thrilled to inform the great British public that their new novelty line, ‘Plastic Patriot’ key rings have sold out on day one, just like the men they’re modelled on.
”It must be the accuracy with which our design team in Moscow captured the facial expressions and avarice, greed, bigotry and insecurity of the men we took our inspiration from,” lead designer, Mr Knott Astooge, told our nativist toy correspondent.
The key rings are designed eventually to hold the great offices of state, but like all crazes they start with luring you in with collectibles to get a taste for it.
”We’ve cross pollinated the key rings with charm bracelets so people can benchmark their progress as they collect the full set and completely sell out,” Knott explained.
”You start with classic symbols and tropes from fascism in the first half of the twentieth century, build up to numerous offshore tax avoiding holdings, and after that level you’re really away to being a fully fledged plastic patriot, as you have serious personal losses to worry about should anyone attempt to enfranchise the plebs and make things fairer.”
Brexit Industries says they intend to continue their successful strategy of automated social media marketing to promote their product.
”Right now we’ve commissioned the cloning of thousands of middle aged British profiles to deploy as brand ambassadors. And more than a few hot, tattooed, bikini wearing girls in their twenties.”
You can begin collecting today but Astooge has some useful advice for the beginner.
”You really need to be a deeply unpleasant human being, devoid of empathy and most importantly, if possible begin all your statements of opinion with the classic signifier ‘Now I’m not a racist, but.”