DExEU renamed Ministry for Resignations

A number of high profile resignations have given rise to the change. After David Davis and a large number of his underlings resigned, odds have shortened on their successors lasting the week.

Unconfirmed rumours have it that the Department has installed a revolving door to facilitate the frequent changes.

It all adds up to a department failing to do its job. It is far too busy exiting the government to get on with exiting the EU.

An unexpected Brexit dividend has been revealed. The revolving door has been hooked up to a generator, so the Department now runs on green electricity.

An insider’s view was provided by longstanding DExEU staff member Shakey Tallabout.

“I’ve been here for over a month now,” said Shakey. “So many people have come and gone in my time. Good people. I run the ‘who’s next?’ sweepstake. The last six winners have left before they could collect their prize!”

Every day is a rollover week here, he continues, adding that employees are expected to roll over too.

“So we have officially been redesignated as the Ministry for Resignations,” Shakey explained. “The chap in charge of getting new stationery printed started this morning, and has already resigned over the inherent contradictions. ‘Resigning is what we do best,’ read his letter to Theresa May.”

The once coveted Employee of the Year award has been downgraded, says Shakey. “It became employee of the month, then employee of the week, the day, the hour and finally employee of the minute. Most awards are made retrospectively.”

Many believe that the Department is as redundant as its employees. A common cry is, just get on with it and leave. Leave means leave. So do it. Simple. It should only take five minutes. Ignore the bullying EU and the traitorous remainers. Cut and run. Freedom from rules, from red tape, from global influence and respect.

You voted for it. Unless you didn’t, in which case you don’t count. It’s the Will of the Putin… I mean, the People.

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