The devils and the demons, the high priests of gammon and morality, are breathing more lightly at ConHQ today. The easy inhalations came with revelations in the Sunday papers that small business minister Andrew Griffiths has resigned from government after being found out bombarding two women with texts of a sexual nature.
”It was a terrible oversight on Andrew’s part,” an aide for the shamed MP told LCD Views, “not to have thought to marry either woman before bombarding them with demands they dress like pigs and let him go all deliverance on them.”
The MP for Sexting, known as a man of strong family values who voted against equal marriage on the grounds it was against his values, has now quit the stage with the crystal clear transparency of what those values are.
”It’s okay to be a bigot, but you can’t sext waitresses apparently,” the aide said, “this doesn’t seem very fair. They possess phones, clearly that means they want the attention of a powerful man. It’s quite the aphrodisiac to have a minister for small business demanding the opportunity to denigrate you.”
But while the sorry saga maybe a personal setback for Griffiths, it’s a new dawn for a party plagued by false dawns presently.
”At least no Russians are involved!” a media management robot for ConHQ said, “we’ll not yet. This is a classic Conservative scandal, proper old school Tory, it will reassure a country in which many people are wondering daily what the hell happened to us.”
A return to normality to be welcomed, unlike thousands of sexual text messages bombarding your phone at OCD level from a minister of state.