Brexit is failing. Every day, it seems, brings another nail to hammer into its coffin. Boris starts swearing. The EU refuses to capitulate. Gove rips policy documents up. This may be terrible news to those of us who look forward to a peaceful and prosperous future, but there is good news. Our last summer within the EU is a scorcher, and it is being caused by social media users getting hot under the collar.
Every news item is accompanied by a chorus of sneering remainers (they’re upsetting Farage), saying “we told you so, but you wouldn’t listen!” and “But, but, I thought that Brexit means Brexit!” and other unjustifiable and narky comments.
This has generated so much heat that the usual British rain clouds have gone on holiday.
Bet Aroffin is typical. “Yes, I voted remain,” says Bet, smugly. “I wanted harmony and security, and to be part of a powerful yet benevolent superpower. The idiots in charge are making a gammon’s ear of things, so now I feel safe to exude smugness and shout ‘Twat!” whenever I like.”
The “I didn’t vote for this!” brigade are angry too, and their fury at being betrayed increases the temperature further. Especially as tens of thousands of automated social media profiles are directed in to support the kippers and battle it out in threads with remoaniacs.
“I have been let down, like a tyre,” quips changeling Flo Tingvote. “I just wanted to go back to the good old days, you know, the three day week, power cuts and only three channels on TV. And fewer immigrants. Mind you, Mr and Mrs Pancholi next door are really nice. It’s the other ones who need to go.”
Heat is being generated across the spectrum. In a busy cafe, Hammond Pineapple puts down his copy of the Sun and wags his finger. “I’m sick of it all!” he shouts, his face colouring. “Kick out the illegals, close the border and tell the EU to eff off. It’s as simple as that, why don’t they get it?”
Why do you want Brexit so much?
“Why?” screams Pineapple, his temperature rising. “It’s not about why. I’m sick of being dictated to by a faceless body in Brussels. It’s like being in Russia. I would prefer slavery!”
That might be the first bit of good news this government has had in a long time.