The hostile environment was back in full swing protecting the people of Britain from people today with the announcement that the Home Office has been instructed to hand control of the University of Reading to President Donald Trump University (conglomerate), North Korea.
”We had to act,” Home office minister, Mini-May MP told LCD Views, “what with the outrage amongst the gammon electorate following the university’s deeply insensitive attitude to the feelings of bigots. Those are the only votes that matter now. Can you imagine Brexit Britain giving scholarships to asylum seekers? It’s a Code Pineapple Slice PR emergency.”
And act fast the government has.
It is understood that the Vice Chancellor of Reading has already been removed from their post by a private security owned by G4SS and a temporary wedge of smoked ham given control of the campus.
”This is only until Trump can appoint the relevant member of his family to bring the tiki torches and bedsheets to Reading. It’s not permanent. The ham doesn’t have a long shelf life in this heat.”
Other changes expected following the takeover by Trump will be honorary degrees for the entire Trump family and the serving Conservative cabinet at Downing Street.
”Jeremy is looking forward to finally being a right Doctor Hunt,” Mini-May beamed, “and the name of the university will now be ‘Trump University of Reading and Didcot’, as that’s going to be more accurate.”
Fees for the students will change too.
”Trump will personally assess how hot each student is and that will determine how they pay, as there are, as you know, especially for young blonde women, other means of exchange in Mr Trump’s eyes. The future of lower education in Reading is now in small, but safe hands.”
We understand the BBC have asked Nigel Farage for comment on the change, as they do about everything, but he couldn’t give it immediately, as his head is still too far up Donald’s arse.