The bomb squad were in action this afternoon after concerned residents of a strong Leave voting constituency called the emergency services after spotting an unattended pineapple.
”Me life flashed before me eyes,” Mr Gammy Gammon told our community care correspondent, “I were just out taking me dog Mangle for a drag down the high street when I caught sight of the pineapple in the reflection of the reflection of my mirrored sunglasses.”
The emergency services did release an audio recording of Mr Gammon’s frantic call, but it’s so breathless we’ve decided to save you the effort of listening. Just imagine a man panting after running for his life and hiding behind a class of school children on an excursion.
Another caller described the incident as “squeaky bum time.”
And Arrrron ‘all the r’s’ Hedgefund said the experience was,
”worse than that time I was stuck at the boarder in North Ireland with a broken homophone.”
The pineapple was apparently removed by the bomb squad and has been taken away to be destroyed in a controlled explosion before the rings will be battered and fried.
The bomb squad also responded to requests for an interview,
”Seriously? It was my first day off in over a month and I’m lying there on the sofa just about relaxed for the first time in weeks when I got the call regarding the bomb scare,” a spokesman said, “I grabbed my gear and scrambled to meet my team at a rallying point near to the incident only to discover it’s a gaggle of BBC Question Time audience wannabe’s terrified of some fruit? Talk about a waste of time and good adrenalin.”
We asked Mr Gammon what he thought of the bomb squad’s comments?
”Do they even train these people? This is life and death. If that pineapple had gone off God only knows what could have happened to the complexions of the entire neighbourhood. And to think they used to rent these dangerous devices out for parties? It’s a bloody good thing society has become more civilised, is all I can say.”