A new, lean and fighting fit mean United Kingdom is all set to handshake a smash and grab trade deal with Trump’s USA today after the announcement that both chlorine and poultry have been stripped from the British periodic table ahead of US trade deal talks.
”This will help make a success of Brexit,” true believer and obsessive airmiles fancier Doctor Liam Fox told LCD Views this morning.
We spoke to the best known doctor of trade at a VIP lounge at Heathrow as he waited for international man of mystery Boris Johnson to return from his vital mission to Kabul.
”He’s nicked some of my air miles,” Fox fumed, “and I’m not taking that lying down.”
The move to take out unhelpful elements ahead of the all important trade talks next month, when flaccid faced destroyer of juvenile futures POTUS arrives in Blighty, is all part of a bigger strategic vision.
”Certain whinging, metropolitan elites have been suggesting that this element and that element may disrupt a smooth and orderly agreement of new trading arrangements with our international partners post Brexit, so we’ve acted with our trademark wisdom.”
You mean issues like disruption to supply lines and country of origin rules? That sort of boring technical thing that only boring remoaners care about?
”What? What’s rules of origin? I’m not handling immigration.”
Google it Liam.
”What’s google? Look, Boris will be here any moment. He’s big but he’s evasive and I want my air miles. Do you want to talk trading futures or not?”
Is trading futures related to market manipulation?
”What? Look. Nobody seems to like chlorine or chicken. It’s a recurring theme to do with swimming pools and water. Well, if it’s in the way of Brexit Britain’s future it’s out!”
Any other elements to go?
”We’ve divided the cabinet to assess it. I suspect the truthful element went years ago. But I can tell you what’s going in.”
Please do.
”Cheeseburgers and Diet Coke. Trump will be pleased. We’re going to invent a yellow element called Trumpeean too. Have the Queen unveil it.”
Doctor Fox, thank you for your time.
”Time is an element we’re running out of.”
We know Liam. We know.