UK manufacturers of prosthetic limbs are looking forward to a “seismic leap” in demand thanks to the “Brexit Dividend” promised by prime minister Theresa May.
Speaking to LCD Views, industry spokesman Jake Dapeg explained that for manufacturers of wooden legs, running blades and robotic legs the much vaunted “Brexit Dividend” will come in the form of the inevitable devastating economic crash.
“Seventeen plus million people who voted to leave the EU are going to realise they’ve metaphorically shot themselves in the foot and will follow through with a similar act of “actual” self mutilation,” he sniggered pointing out that many of those who voted most fervently to leave Europe, have never even set foot on the continent.
The British prosthetics industry, he said is already gearing itself up to cope with the anticipated unprecedented demand for replacement feet and lower legs.
“We’re just hoping that there’s enough cash left in the NHS biscuit barrel, to “foot the bill”, and that health minister Jeremy Hunt, won’t be “wrong footed”, and doesn’t “open his mouth and put his foot in it”, as he usually does,” he punned shamelessly.
Opening the UK’s borders to the free deployment of podiatry puns is probably one of the least expected “dividends” of the UK’s decision to leave the European Union, admitted Dapeg, pointing out that given the apparent complete lack of thought given to the entire process it is perhaps not surprising.
“Let’s face it both May and Johnson started out as “remainers” and switched to become “leavers” only when they saw which way the fetid, sulphurous wind emanating from Arron Banks behind, was blowing,” he added, warning that both had better be careful to make sure they hadn’t mistakenly planted “one foot in the grave”.
“After all there’s only one possible victor in this fight and only one possible response to the suggestion that the UK leaves the EU without a deal and declines to keep a “foot in the door” of Europe, and that’s “IN THE NAME OF SANITY!”, he implored rolling his eyes.