The woman clinging grimly to power by the skin of her teeth has outlined her plans for funding the NHS. The so-called “Brexit Dividend” is to be funded by tax cuts.
The stunning increase in revenue from cutting taxes is yet another paradox which soon becomes self-explanatory. These are Alt Tax Cuts.
“Brexit is vital to fund the NHS properly,” said the PM’s spokesman Toadie Lyne. “Once we recoup that £350m a week, or whatever figure is being bandied about this week by the traitors in our midst, everyone will be better off. A small contribution from the public may be needed, and Alt Tax Cuts will achieve this.”
“This is a tax increase by the back door!” thundered brave MP Ria Liszt. “The people will never agree to this. Vote for cuts, moan about the lack of funding, that’s the British way.”
“These are not tax increases, they are Alt Tax Cuts!” Lyne countered. “Leaving a massively lucrative trading bloc will enrich us all. The EU will be so desperate to have us back that they will fund our NHS for us. That’s what tomorrow’s Daily Mail will say, anyway.”
Latest figures suggest that each of us will be Alt Better Off to the tune of at least £1000 per household. Possibly even more.
It is at least now clear where the Magic Money Tree is. It’s in the pockets of each and every one of us taxpayers. Unfortunately, not even its most adventurous tendril has yet to reach the mythical treasure troves of the super rich.
Jeremy Corbyn is believed to have been wrong footed by this latest piece of government mendacity. Not knowing whether an Alt Tax Cut is a good thing or a bad thing, he is whipping up a frenzy of uncertainty. Meanwhile, Ria Liszt is said to be looking for another job.
Take Back Control. Alt. Delete.