Theresa May is to invite Donald Trump to create orphans during his July visit to the United Kingdom, in exchange for a great free trade deal.
“The children will be selected from border towns all over the UK,” a spokesman for the prime minister’s office told LCD Views, “we’re drawing up a list of remoaning families now, you know, traitors, saboteurs, people opposed to the people. The wrong sort. Those families.”
The orphans won’t be strictly orphans as the children will merely be separated from their parents in a special ceremony on the Irish Border.
“We know we’re fudging the words a bit, but so long as parents have no idea where their children have gone, it will be sufficient. Oh, and the children have no idea where their parents are.”
It’s believed not only will the ceremony appease and ingratiate the UK with POTUS, but it will also be good administrative practice for post Brexit UK, as it descends into chaos and horror.
“If we normalise the expectation of families being busted apart now, it’ll make it easier for people later,” the spokesman said, “once we have borders between England and Scotland, England and Wales, England and Northern Ireland and NI and Ireland, oh, and England and Cornwall, families will be broken up attempting to cross the borders all the time.”
Questioned over whether or not normalising such fascist horror is not actually long term thinking, the spokesman shrugged.
“We don’t do long term thinking anymore. We’re living in the 1930’s. What can possibly go wrong next by appeasing a narcissistic, autocratic, self aggrandising lunatic like Donald Trump and his agendas of dehumanising people based on ethnicity? We are happy to have him visit in July still and sprinkle some of his cruelty on us. We’re stamping him with Global Britain’s stamp of approval.”