Mass relief across England today after the announcement by BBC HQ that Boris Johnson’s £350M per week Big Red Brexit Bus is to takeover as the host of BBC QT after Dimbleby retires later this year.
”It’s a natural fit,” producer for the show, G Ammon of G and Ammon Productions told us, “we need to ensure the correct level of pro-Brexit bias after Dimbleby retires. What better than the bus what won it?”
It’s not entirely clear how the bus will function as host of the programme, but G Ammon has some ideas.
”We’re going to instal a modified AI to that which controls the prime minister,” he said, “so self driving and only capable of turning to the right.”
Additionally it’s understood the bus will signal audience members to speak by flashing its headlights at them.
”It can choose panelists to respond to questions by use of its indicators. And anyone going on too long can be given a blast of exhaust fumes to shut them up.”
But what about the weekly Tory plant? The ever reliable audience member there to ensure the government doesn’t lean too hard on the BBC?
”Oh, that’s not a problem. We can programme the bus to collect the Tory boy plant on the way to recording each week.”
And the rest of the audience?
”Yes. Enough room for plenty of gammon to ride along. We can round them all up.”
What about the token remainer who is likely to sneak through the audience screening process?
”They can get the train, like Dimbleby does. It’ll be an improvement, given thanks to Grayling and chums the trains are barely running now. By the time the Boris Bus takes over as BBCQT train services should be extinct on mainland U.K.”