The organisers of the highly anticipated ‘Labour Live’ (Jezzfest) event on the weekend have announced a plan to send traditional blue passports out with ticket to boost last minute sales.
”Jizzfest is the most anticipated event this year, mashing up politics with traditional Labour values of not actively trying to stop a bonfire of workers’ rights,” PR specialist for the event, Mr Movement of PR specialists ‘Abstention and Dithering’, told us.
The move to offer blue passports is not going unnoticed though.
”This Jazzfest Park Party is a blatant steal from our highly successful playbook,” Tory MP, Mr Dentures, commented, “we started this leave the single market and tear up everyone’s rights agenda, and pandering to a certain demographic’s neurotic terror of non-white chaps is blatantly a traditional Conservative value. Labour should get their own fears to pander to. Mass youth unemployment following Brexit is up for grabs.”
But Mr Movement wasn’t impressed.
”We share the values of Brexit with the Conservatives. And we’re the party of opposition. Opposing deeply damaging political agendas of the governing party is not the job of the official opposition.
Our job is to pretend to be doing things while the Tories destroy the country.
Then we become the phoenix, albeit a nationalised and centrally controlled phoenix.
I will say though we’ll be keeping the definition of employed. There won’t be many jobs post Tory Brexit, so just breathing will be classed as employed. At least until the central committee assigns you to a factory making state designed leaflets explaining how great life now is.”
The representative went on to explain that anyone not buying a ticket to Jizzfest will have their name recorded in a book under the crime ‘Undermining the leader’. Action will be taken in due course.
But do the Tories have any plan to copy Labour’s playbook and hold their own party in the park as the country crumbles?
”Yes. But it will be a small party held on a beach on an island tax haven. And it will be catered, mostly with the flesh and fat of the United Kingdom.”