IKEA’s Westminster store manager would neither confirm nor deny this morning that the store has taken an order for bunk beds from a man who lists his permanent address as the Ecuadorian Embassy in central London. But we have an insider who is determined to tell all.
“He must have a large family,” our whistleblower mused, “maybe he and his partner are adopting refugees fleeing political persecution? I hear he’s a real bleeding heart type. But of a snowflake you might say.”
The order, which also includes a new toilet brush and crockery items, was allegedly paid for with a Russian bank issued credit card.
”He said he only uses the card because it gives you air miles on Aeroflot, but I suspect it’s the ultra low interest rate that attracted his business.”
The delivery is expected to take nearly a week to arrive. When you add in assembly time, there are doubts the man will have sufficient time to put the beds together before his friends arrive.
”I’m not even sure our delivery driver will be allowed to do anything other than a pavement drop,” our insider continued, “the last time the man ordered the embassy staff were waiting for the driver with a blonde man bound and gagged. Mi6? Are you Mi6? Is apparently what they demanded to know.”
It must have been disappointing for them to discover it was actually an IKEA delivery?
”Gutted. Especially when they had to carry whoever it was they’d gone to the trouble to prepare for pick up back inside and his order of a red, white and blue floor carpet big enough to sweep an interconnected web of international fascist collusion and espionage under.”
Apparently the man’s lodgings were too small for the carpet though and it was last seen left outside, behind the embassy, in a skip that someone at the Observer has just set on fire.