Mass confusion and rage amongst terminally mad cinema buffs eagerly awaiting a release date for the Brexit feature film, ‘Dude, where’s my economy?’ after production company, 10 Downing Street, confirmed it is still unable to agree on a script.
“We’ve begun filming,” co-star Jezza C told our light entertainment correspondent, “over two years ago. I’ve had all my lines written since the 1970’s. I know them off by heart. But between you and me, I get the feeling the star of the film is just improvising hers day by day.”
Other issues appear to be executive producers, Brussels, apparent stubbornness to deviate from the original premise when the film was pitched.
We spoke to executive producer Madman Barnier to find out if this was true.
“Look, when they walked into my office they said ignore the one hundred and twenty blank sheets of paper I’m holding, that’s just to show you I’m serious about writing the feature film. Let us give you the pitch.”
Barnier had worked with the team pitching the film for years, he gave them a minute to see if they could land the killer lines.
“Brexit means Brexit,” Barnier continued, “that’s what they said. And wow, what a blockbuster it sounded like. So pure. So easy. You want to make a movie about a major industrialised country ignoring the realities of trade in the 21st century by turning itself into a third country on the doorstep of the biggest trading bloc on earth? And you’ve managed to distill it into three words? That’s genius. I signed up there and then. But now…bloody hell. I don’t think they’ve even written the title page and the film has been shooting for two years now.”
Luckily for Barnier, he had in the fine print of the contract a limitation on his production company’s outlay at the outset.
“The penalty clause in the contract maybe too dry for 10 Downing Street, but it says, you don’t get the production in the can on time and we can’t release it? Then we get every major sector of your industry. Simple.”
And 10 Downing Street does what?
“Watches its people go out of work, onto benefits and starve, I presume. Because that’s what the contract points to. But I think you’ll find enough of them will come and work for us, bringing the skills, industry and assets too. We’ll be fine.”
LCD Views is a great lover of cinema and keenly interested in all productions, especially during their filming, but sometimes, every now and then, the premise turns out to be so flawed it’s best to throw in the towel before you lose the shirt off your back.
“Oh yes, we get those too. And 10 Downing Street will just give them to us.”