Legendary Mancunian miserablist Morrissey has confirmed that he will release a special tribute single with all profits going to the campaign for the release of jailed right wing nut job, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, better known under his “nom de guerre”, “Tommy Robinson”.
Record company sources have confirmed that the lead song chosen for the tribute is the Cuban classic “Guantanamera”, to be backed by a version of obscure 70s pop hit “Tom Tom Turnaround” by long forgotten Australian pop toppers “New World”.
The single will be released in a variety of formats including double-download, cassingle, seven incher with gatefold picture sleeve with a pop up picture of Robinson in blue striped prison pyjamas, and a limited edition twelve incher in flaming red vinyl, shrink wrapped in a special lycra sleeve, with some as yet unconfirmed “special” bonuses.
“Tommy is a man like myself, who is not afraid to say what he thinks, no matter how much of an absolute donkey’s knob end people think he is,” cooed the openly vegan singer to reporters, confirming that he had chosen “Guantanamera”, not as had been supposed, because of its popularity with homophobic football fans, but rather because of its peculiarly Cuban origins.
Guantanamera being Cuban Spanish for “a woman from Guantánamo”, the town famous for being the location of the notorious US military base and prison for illegally kidnapped alleged Islamist terrorists.
“I feel that ‘Dear Tommy’ would understand the aptness of the reference,” cooed Morrissey.
Morrissey also confirmed that there were currently no plans for a reunion of his former band, The Smiths, following the collapse last year of a planned one off benefit concert for ousted UK prime minister, “Poor Dave” Cameron.
Those plans famously collapsed after former Smiths drummer Andy Joyce was photographed outside the “XS Manchester” radio station where he presents a weekly show, eating a kebab.
Commenting at the time Morrissey snarled that “only the lowest of the low soil their mouths with dead animals”, but added that having said that he was partial to an occasional gammon sandwich with a squirt of mustard.