650 MPs to decide next week just how gammony they want their legacy to be

The UK’s members of parliament are to vote on all the Lords amendments to the EU Withdrawal Bill next week. This asks the best minds the United Kingdom can assemble under one generous benefits package if they’d like to continue doing the job they’re paid for or be replaced by a giant rubber stamp? I was going to write “members to decide whether or not to firm up or just be a giant catalogue of dildos”, but that seemed crass.

“It’s a tough call,” one MP told LCD on the condition of anonymity, “thinking can be really hard. The option to carry on letting May and Davis and other titans do the thinking for me is pretty tempting.”

They also have to weigh in the risk of demanding parliamentary sovereignty over the minor matter of Brexit and risk the wrath of offshore tax exile media barons calling them traitors to democracy, a democracy said media barons feed off but arguably don’t help pay for.

“My brain actually hurts. I’m trying to please all of the people all of the time, and it’s really difficult,” J C of N Islington told us, “I’m actually very excited about a little party I’m throwing in a park a few days later. The whole country is slowly turning into a steaming pile of autocratic shit and I’m planning a party? Does that make me a commie? It’s better to sit this one out quietly in the corner and keep getting paid whether or not I do the vital job in a adversarial representative parliament that I’m paid for? A bit like a pampered domestic cat. An old one. One who likes the fire lit early in the afternoon. I let other people do the planning for me.”

Complicating the issue is the overwhelming anxiety of getting voted out at an election if they end up carrying a can hardly any of them think should be carried to begin with.

“Look. I had a friend who wanted to jump off a cliff. It was a very high cliff. I told them it was a bad idea. They said they were going to anyway, but could I give them a lift to the cliff as they didn’t have any bus fare.

So I drove them to the cliff. They’re still at the edge of it, last I looked, now I’ve got to decide whether or not I push them off, pull them back, or just hold hands and jump with them.

If I manage to land on top of them I might come away with only a broken hip. I’m sure they won’t survive the fall. It’s really difficult to decide what to do.”

Still, next week, they get to all decide together at least in a mad rush something that should be deliberated over for a very long time.

If they choose to become a rubber stamp it will make future choices much easier.

“I’m probably going to vote to become a big rubber stamp. That way, whatever happens afterwards won’t be my fault.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to finish reading this little article on ‘The Glorious Revolution’. I’m not really sure what that was all about. It was so long ago now.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *