Sajid Javid found himself under fire today for something other than having to untangle his predecessors inhuman immigration policies after the release of a HO Doomsday Brexit Britain survival guide.
”Everyone is unfairly criticising the standard of graphic design on our new A4 size poster guides,” an unpaid intern told LCD Views, as we took them on a tour of our Human Resources department to show them what personnel files of people who get paid millions look like.
”We all worked really hard this morning to come up with the poster after Mr Javid said Ms May had sent a Mr Parkinson over to DExEU to threaten Mr Davis for lack of planning when Mr Davis has been urging Ms May to stock up on tins of baked beans for a week now.”
But how did the Home Office come into it?
”That was the Home Secretary’s bright idea after he saw on his WhatsApp group for post Brexit customs planning, all ministers are in one of two, that there was rising tension between Downing Street and DExEU over it.”
So he took the initiative to assist his colleagues?
”I think he was grandstanding personally, but as all other ministers are currently taking a nap and hoping all their troubles will be gone when they wake for lunch, someone had to act to reassure the public.”
I didn’t realise the official opposition front bench and leader were cabinet ministers too?
”Sorry?”
Everyone is asleep.
”Well, quite.”
So what is wrong with the posters?
”Apparently it looks like someone just smashed it together in a couple of minutes on a smart phone app.”
We can’t see anything wrong with that!
”Well, just so. But apparently the public expect a higher standard of design if you’re going to tell them to eat their cats to help make a success of Brexit.”