“Timetable means timetable,” Secretary of State for Transport Chris Grayling stated earlier today to a press conference, that only featured his pet cocker spaniel in the audience.
The press briefing was a little forced as Mr Grayling is instinctively shy when involved in any area of government that he has been given responsibility for and immediately screwed up. Which of course means that Mr Grayling is always inherently shy.
“And we are going to get the best timetable possible for Britain,” he added, as the spaniel raced around the room like a child who’s had two litres of coke, “a timetable that works for all of our citizens, whether they are based offshore, or even further offshore.”
The move to reassure the travelling public, and the private individuals benefiting from a set of publicly subsidised, localised monopolies was timely, even if his dog was the only person to hear it first hand.
When questioned in a series of high pitched yelps what he was going to do to improve the staggering collapse of service with the introduction of the new timetable last Monday, Mr Grayling was adamant.
“It’s better to have no timetable than a bad timetable,” to that end, “we will be removing from service all those parts of the timetable that are proving unworkable due to interference from time itself, it seems, then we will restructure time so it works with our aspirations.”
So life as we know it will end? If you’re to be involved in restructuring how time itself operates?
“No time is better than a bad time.”
And you’re going to improve the lives of people stranded by cancelled and delayed trains by cancelling even more trains?
“No train is better than a bad train.”
He’s a deep pool.
“No pool is better than a bad pool.”
And if Mr Grayling is involved in any pool, we’re always in at the deep end, just look at this serial incompetent’s time in office. The man with the Midas touch.