LCD Views can report this morning that the people of the United Kingdom are being put to shame by chaps from overseas, after the revelation that a crowdfunding drive for a humble Mayfair crash pad has so far only attracted donations in roubles.
“This is why I mostly put my modest savings in Russian banks,” the man told us, “they’re oligenerous. The lack of a robust rule of law is very attractive too, some may say, but I wouldn’t of course. Please do stop asking why I invest sod all in the U.K. when I’m supposedly such a champion of the place! It makes my eyes water.”
We won’t ask the hard questions. Just let you have all the exposure and will to power you want, regardless of your only qualification being a silver spoon.
”Let’s not talk about my £5M Westminster crash pad either. Let’s talk about how I was denied my favoured locale. How I’m struggling to right the wrong.”
Yes, it seems the poor fellow was allegedly forced to start the crowdfunding drive after his attempts to buy a property in Mayfair failed and he had to go for the aforementioned shabby 18th century townhouse in the Westminster slums.
“It’s not on,” he says, “this is supposed to be 19th century Britain and here I am struggling to find an affordable home for my growing family.”
People who are enquiring why he seems to have so much support from overseas are just adding unnecessarily to his troubles.
“I find the best interest rates on my paltry savings is to be found in sanctioned Russian banks,” he shrugs, “I’m also probably something of a useful idiot for certain creative people who know which buttons to push.”
Is greed a good one to push?
“Oh yes, most certainly, and avarice and actually envy.”
Nice to know. So what target do you need to hit to be able to move to Mayfair?
“Oh, it’s all a bit of a distraction really. It’s a fine line between emanating enough old world ruling class spirit to get the great unwashed to tug the forelock unthinkingly, to giving off a vapour which suffocates not only those about but my own vested interests.”
Where are those interests vested again?
“Not in Mayfair, sadly.”
Where?
“Russia and other ’emerging markets’,” the man answered, “anywhere but the UK, far too many laws and regulations you see?”
We do. Happy fundraising. Next time let’s talk about seamless and frictionless corruption in emerging markets, and how best to navigate all that, shall we?