LCD Views can break great news today with a sign of intelligent life detected in the murky and very damp interior of 10 Downing Street.
“We thought it was a waste land,” explora-tory biologist Professor Fcuk told us over croissants and bumpy white coffee, “all investigations over the last couple of years have only found signs of what may once have been highly evolved organisms and a sophisticated civilisation, but they were thought to have been long extinct.”
A bit like the Martian landscape?
“Similar, but less enjoyable.”
So what’s changed?
“A repeating signal has been detected from deep inside what appears to be an ancient network of plumbing used to worship scat by whoever constructed the structure, and we’ve been able to interpret it.”
While it’s too early to tell yet if the origin of the source possesses a complex central nervous system, Professor Fcuk is tentatively hopeful.
“Fcuk, even finding something as complex as bacterial slime would be encouraging,” the professor said, “give it a few billion years and it may evolve thumbs. It would be very exciting to watch. Although it needs to get a hurry on. the Sun is expected to supernova around then. So by the time it re-evolves it maybe too late.”
But how would you expect to observe this evolution of the bacterial slime into a complex organism, as highly evolved as one that has and uses thumb? The human life span is too short.
“I’m going to upload my consciousness into the cloud. There’s not any other realistic choice because that’s how long Theresa May and the terrified lunatics surrounding her will need their desperate Customs Regulatory Alignment Period to last to have a snowflake’s chance in hell of developing any realistic, feasible and cost efficient alternatives to the babies they’re so hurriedly throwing out with the EU bathwater.”
Those babies have thumbs.
“Indeed. Seamless and frictionless ones.”