The Home Office was having to deal with the unusual sensation of praise today after a dangerous fantasist was stripped of citizenship for too much time spent abroad flying business class in pursuit of ends that are clearly damaging to the UK.
”We had to act to protect the country’s interests,” Mr Tooth Tiger told LCD Views as we rode up one of the many elevators inside The Shard building near London Bridge.
The interview took place inside an elevator in the new and already iconic London landmark as we were ostensibly there to witness a Home Office ceremony at the very pointy tops of the structure.
“Did you know that by April of 2017 he’d already clocked up enough business class air miles to reach the Moon?” Tooth asked, “by now he’s probably flown far enough to crash into the face of the Sun at public expense.”
The man himself could not be reached for comment as he was enjoying a glass of champagne on the public purse many miles above the Earth.
“You’d say his head was in the clouds but commercial aircraft tend to fly well above any cloud masses so the flight is smoother for the tax money spent.”
It seems it was a timely move on the part of the Home Office too, faced with mounting criticism for the racist, hostile environment policies designed by the unknown figure who was Home Office minister from 2010 – 2016.
“We’ve been kicking people out as fast as we can swing the boot,” Tooth said, “and this seems to be leading to some unexpected blowback. Who knew not everyone in the UK was a racist little Englander? I mean, the country overwhelming voted for Brexit. The leaders of both main political parties back Brexit. And Brexit is Nigel Farage. We thought we were on firm ground going after people based on ethnicity.”
It seems it’s a sensible move also, with the independence movement in Scotland being given fresh legs by the shambles and certainty of economic collapse of Brexit, the man in question, having being born in Scotland, will soon be an alien resident (temporarily) in the United Kingdom of England.
“He wastes money. He promotes fantasies. He’s already been fired from high office for breaking security protocols and other misdeeds to do with hiding special friends behind curtains. He’s a rotter. We’re well shot of him. Just think of the money saved on the airfares too? Money that can be spent on the NHS!”
And why were we riding in the elevator at the Shard to the very top?
“You’re here to see the fitting of the huge eye of Sauron that the prime minister has demanded be fitted to the top of the building. All the better to watch you with as we make a success of Brexit and enter the exciting possibilities of criminalising thoughts.”