BBC bosses were celebrating today after the revelation that R4 Today programme presenter John Humphrys was replaced by a boiled ham shortly after the EUref in 2016, and people are only now noticing.
The scandal is made worse by the unconfirmed allegation that Mr Humphrys has continued to received his six figure salary while at home tending his plants and comfortable in his biases.
“He spends his days reading copies of the The Daily Mail, The Express and The Sun to the orchids he has imprisoned in his conserva-tory,” a whistleblower told LCD Views, “any orchid that doesn’t flower by page three of The Sun he moves to a deep chest freezer as punishment.”
But when questioned over the growing scandal, Today programme presenter, former tabloid editor S Sands, was unrepentant.
“This is to help make a success of Brexit,” she told us, “and you can take your concerns about impartiality and shove it.
I’ve probably got another lunch with Murdoch, Fox, Banks and some other chums later. Not that that means anything.
From the moment lazy ass PM David Cameron began replacing executives in the power structure with Tory saboteurs we felt confident we could dumb down the nation sufficiently to get anything we wanted done.”
Supporters of the BBC have also rushed to its defence.
“Anyone that tells you the BBC should be focused on getting to the truth of matters, transmitting facts as best can be ascertained, rather than allowing equal air time to con artists, chancers and someone to interrupt constantly who thought they were coming on to discuss reality, has forgotten the whole point of having a state controlled broadcaster,” opined amateur WW2 fetishist, Nigel, of no fixed address.
But the BBC used to be famous for the standards of its journalism? Now it just sounds like a series of broadcasts from the Ministry of Propaganda, day in and day out.
“So? Do you want to make a success of turning the UK into a giant tax haven or not? And can you you honestly say that the boiled ham has said anything that John wouldn’t have said?”
A good point.
“Remoaners turning off the Beeb is entirely the point of replacing Humphrys with a boiled ham.”
It doesn’t make much sense, given Humphrys was happy to be total gammon anyway?
“Nothing is supposed to make sense to the public. It’s supposed to be confusing. It’s supposed to be a shambles. It’s supposed to be distracting. You’re not supposed to be noticing the clock running down as we hurtle towards economic calamity and total privatisation of UK plc. You focusing on this revelation is doing the job for us.”
Is that because otherwise I might be focusing on May’s plan to stuff the House of Lords with all manner of pork products next week? Using the distraction of the royal wedding as a cover?
“You can answer that for yourself.”