A group of famous firefighters are coming in for criticism for refusing to fight a long running blaze, as doing that “would go against the wishes of the arsonists. And the arsonists have decided. It doesn’t matter what burns to the ground, so long as the wishes of the arsonists are respected. No matter how malicious.”
We thought we better dig a little deeper into this attitude.
”We intend to stand about watching it all burn,” Ms Thornberry, a key member of the team confirmed to LCD Views this morning, “see, my firefighter’s hard hat is under my arm. My friend Keir’s hose is all spooled up. Our brave, noble, principled captain is in his allotment.
He thinks the smoke you can smell everywhere is people burning off in their gardens.
He’s funny. He keeps saying get the marshmallows. I thought we were supposed to be eating popcorn by now? There’s enough heat to cook it.”
But what do you expect the outcome of your inaction in the face of a building inferno to be?
Surely you don’t expect to keep your jobs as the official opposition to fire if you don’t fight the fires started by the arsonists?
”It’s okay, the fires will burn themselves out eventually. We might even get lucky and the arsonists put the fire out themselves by accidentally throwing water and not petrol on the blaze.
Let’s wait and see, shall we? The arsonists own this fire. They started it.”
It doesn’t sound like you know your job.
”What? Blairite! We expect to see close to the exact same benefits once the fire has burned the whole f*cking show to the ground. Especially in manufacturing.”
But one of the arsonists, Deadwood, is advising people to move their goods away from the fire. Far away. Isn’t that a heads up?
”What?”
Don’t worry. Thanks for your time. You can go back to cheering on the flames now.
The firefighters’ stance is causing increasing confusion however, especially as it’s now certain the fire is going to burn deep and far. Right through the jobs of so many workers. Right through the rights of millions too.
Still, there are some members of the crew who are determined to fight the flames.
And even some very experienced, elderly firefighters who’d expected to pass their time beside the fireplace occasionally commenting on small blazes and calling for sherry. They hope if enough realise the danger, everyone can be brought together to fight the flames while there’s still something to save.
We had one last go at trying to make sense of the inaction from the official opposition to fires.
”They don’t understand how unpopular we’ll be if we run about sirens blazing waking people in their homes,” the firefighter chief told us, “remember, we don’t own the fire, the arsonists do. Our job is simply to observe it. And watch it all burn. Then we can all play in the ashes. This will make us popular and lead to great social change.”