A group of foxes have started a parliamentary petition to have International Business Secretary Liam Fox stripped of his surname.
“We can’t stand it any longer,” one told us, while we ran along a high road in south London picking up discarded chicken bones from the gutter, “he’s an embarrassment. He’s neither sleek nor smart nor beautiful, when caught in a headlight like us. Have you ever seen him on the crest of a hill with the setting sun behind him and gone awww?
Although I guess he’ll end his days hunted into a hole in the ground. But that’s as close as the similarity gets.”
The fox went on to explain they actually conceived of the petition back when Liam Fox was fired as defence secretary for hiding that special friend behind curtains while on government business. Dishonesty is supposed to damn you, but it seems Liam was able to rise again.
“I was personally gobsmacked when he returned to the cabinet. But then Brexit, only the deluded and dumb want to be centerstage in Brexit.”
The petition has so far attracted nearly fifty thousand signatures.
“It’s not just foxes signing it,” the fox said, “humans are too. Which is nice. Normally they just chase us about so dogs can rip us to shreds. Or shout at us in the night when we’re screaming like demons and rutting underneath a bedroom window. So it gives me a bit of hope that your lot are throwing in with us on this topic. We’ll get this over one hundred thousand and get it debated in parliament. A group of owls have told me it’s a shoe in.”
But what surname should Doctor Fox have in place of fox?
“That’s not our problem,” he shrugged, “just not something from the animal kingdom. Pick something from your own world.”
You must have an idea?
“I’ll go for double glazed,” the fox suggested, “as that’s what I see when I look in his eyes. Or Liam Airmiles of course. Either one fits.”