LCD Views can report today what is potentially the greatest benefit to come when Brexit collapses under the weight of its own horror and stupidity being famous medieval noble Jacob Rees-mogg temporally fleeing the country.
“He is threatening to get into his time machine and return to the 14th century,” LCD Views’ chief political analyst reports, “most people believe he is from the 19th century, but that is factually and provably wrong.
He’s actually a minor noble who left the 14th century after the peasant’s revolt and the failure of laws like the statute of labourers and laws against enticement etc. Essentially he was disgusted by the gaining of rights by the poorest in the community. It was not an uplifting experience for him.”
But why did he come to the 21st Century?
“He was aiming for the late 1930’s,” our analyst says, “but he didn’t take into account changes to the Gregorian calendar enacted by Pope Sixtus in the 16th century and he overshot by a few decades.”
That answers how, not why?
“Oh, because his attempts to lobby Edward III to crush freedom of movement for farm serfs, little better than slaves at the time who had to ask the lord of the manor for permission to leave the farm, failed and he surveyed his ‘time orb’ and saw some really exciting things happening in 20th century Europe.
He thought his best chance to fulfil his mission, why he left the Borg cube, to totally subjugate an entire population and take their resources and assets and rights away lay in the 20th century.”
Hang on, the Borg?
“Yes. You will have seen the 1996 documentary on them presented by Patrick Stewart.”
This does make a lot of things clearer. So we can rid ourselves of space alien, medieval peasant crushing, minor noble Jacob Rees-mogg merely by stopping Brexit?
“It will be just another tangible benefit of stopping Brexit. It’s either that or lose freedom of movement, consulate protection from dozens of countries, the NHS, farming sector, high tech manufacturing, international reputation, mass investment and a bunch of other stuff, like being a member of a bloc of democracies big enough to finally start to take action against the tax havens that are using populism and manipulation of voting to protect their greed.”
What’s tax evasion and everyday people’s rights got to do with it?
“Oh, that’s what the Borg feed upon.”