Great news for backers of parliamentary sovereignty today with the announcement that the House of Lords is to officially replace Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour Party as the official opposition in the House of Commons, after a successful pilot scheme focused on fundamental human and worker’s rights.
“We weren’t sure how the pilot would go,” Lord Such and Such told LCD Views, “we were a bit worried the old Maybot might attempt to skew the result by creating one thousand new peers.
Or that too many of the Lords would nap.
But it seems old Maybot was so busy staring at her pot plant, wondering why it was withering when she watered it personally, that she forgot to get her list of party donors out in time and ring round to see who wanted a peerage.
Oh, and it seems where their grandkids welfare is concerned, the old Lords are surprisingly alert. Probably something to do with Christmas.”
Under the changes the Lords will sit on the green opposition benches in the Commons and face Theresa May, or whoever is Conservative Party leader next week after the customs union vote this Thursday, and give her the sort of welly she’s been missing.
“You wait until Adonis cracks the whip,” Lord Such and Such said, “although we’ll probably give the job of leader in the lower house to Heseltine as that will be the biggest wind up.
No one saw this coming. Thatcher era Tory party politicians being demonstrably more concerned with the long term welfare of the man and woman on the street than this current, caring Conservative mob.”
Asked for comment to the changes, expected to be performed initially with the Queen watching in her EU hat, and later unsupervised, the Labour Party replied,
“The people had a vote, it’s not our job to protect fundamental worker’s rights in the commons. Anyway, we’ve a small meeting to attend at a town hall somewhere. Stoking the revolution. Wait until Brexit has you all broken and eating out of bins and then see if you don’t join the revolution.”
Responding for the government Amber Rudd replied,
“Who doesn’t trust us to preserve basic rights after we’ve thrown off all those irritating rights enshrined in EU laws and treaties? There’s nothing in our record in government that says we don’t really genuinely value all people.
Our hard right paymasters are also going to be pretty cheesed if the Lords don’t just read out letters from individual constituents week after week but actually attack us on all the massive holes in our armour.
If they take up Cambridge Analytica we’re totally stuffed, it potentially goes right to the top of government.
Good thing Jezza is a Brexiter and not that much interested in discovering how deep the complete and utter corruption of our electoral system has gone.
What if the Lords start demanding under parliamentary privilege that we get to the bottom of where Bank’s massive money injection came from in 2015?
The mind boggles at the threat of having an official opposition not playing some dumb “long game”, but actually tearing us to shreds as they could. Some pundits say we’d fall in a week.”
The lords were also asked to make further comment but they were too busy leaping.