Downing Street is to get back ground it’s been losing to the Windrush scandal and today’s money laundering nightmare, oh and the nearing to collapse of most public services, by rolling out vans telling remainers to “piss off and live in the EU if you love it so much”.
“It’s standard PR work to shore up our base,” Mr F Arce told LCD Views, “especially with the local elections coming up in a couple of weeks in large metropolitan areas. If we don’t remind people just how bigoted a government we are, how unwilling to compromise and discuss differences, then they might get the wrong idea and vote UKIP again.”
It’s believed the move is a timely one, as there is just the faint whiff of a lack of legitimacy building around an administration that seems to turn everything it touches into first grade cow manure.
“We are caring conservatives,” Mr F Arce explained, “we just only care about ourselves and our rich donors. People should remember God put the hoi polloi on earth to be milked till the grave for the benefit of a small number of ‘elite’.”
But surely the use of vans is a bit contentious given all the coverage currently being given to the ‘hostile environment’ policies of former Home Office minister Theresa May?
“We need to get the message across quickly that anyone who relies on facts is a danger to this government,” Mr F Arce explained, “and a danger to the identity politics of anyone so stupid they still support Brexit.”
Mr F Arce we wish you luck.
“Thank you. But just to be clear, the decision to roll out these vans now was taken by the next Labour government. We’re only putting it into action now because we calculate if we target a much less vulnerable group now everyone will think we’ve learned Labour’s lesson for their mistake in the future now.”