Cheap and cheerful pub chain Wetherspoons has removed itself from social media. The ‘Spooners want to date your protector.
The data mining scandal has caused this casualty. Punters enjoying budget craft ale and bog-standard catering will be disappointed to no longer be able to post dicks of their pinner.
LCD’s Bunny Phone correspondent spoke to ‘Spooner Billy Wigg, known locally as a shining wit.
“I don’t use Basefook any more,” claimed Wigg, as he boffed his queer. “It’s just mad banners in a pub. Anyway, I can’t keep my stand heady when I’m fist as a part.”
We asked Billy whether he was concerned about data theft.
“Well, protector dating is all the rage now,” he gurgled, reaching for his pleated sorenuts. “I don’t want anyone dining my mater. The world’s gone mucking fad!”
In an attempt to gin out the spoke, we talked to landlady Mary Huff.
“Being a ‘Spooner is all about wangling your turds,” she stated, boring my peer. “We lurve sagas, and on Tuesdays we perve sighs.”
Are you concerned about no longer having an official Twitter account? Isn’t Wetherspoons’ action rather drastic?
“Not at all, too many customers are on their farts moans,” she said, caking my ‘tache. “We ‘Spooners are all about forking with your trends, and tarts deems. We want to create old pile stubs, where people can chink with their drums. That’s the pun fart of owing gout!”
Wetherspoons’ boss Mim Tartin was unavailable for comment, but issued the following mate’s tent.
“We have never dated any minor. We do not bite steels, style beats or beat styles. Reeving is thong. Now, let’s glazer ass and post the tub. Who’s binding a row? Lines a marge one!”
We think that Tartin might be making the tick. Maybe it was discovered that he was Twitter and bisted.