BBC Radio 4 is to counter accusations of bias against Brexit by John Humphrys reading out a Daily Mail in its entirety, with special commentary provided by experts from The Sun and The Telegraph.
”We were hoping Katie Hopkins or Nigel Farage could provide the specialist commentary, but they’re busy flogging their wares in America,” Radio 4 unbiased media specialist, S Sands, told LCD Views, “but happily a gaggle of tabloid op ed rent a gobs will be on hand to fulfil that role.”
But why was Humphrys chosen for the honour and not Kate Hoey MP?
”John loves to read out the Daily Mail when he’s on shift in the mornings. It sets up the inevitable pro-gammon interview with stinky Tory cheese wheel Iain Duncan Smith wonderfully,” S Sands replied, “there wasn’t really a contest. Wikipedia may have decided the Fail isn’t a reliable or credible news source, but not our cuddly old Humpy.”
And we hear particular attention has been paid to the music to accompany the reading?
”Yes. We’ve had a sound team on the seaside in Thanet recording screeching seagulls to accompany the reading. That and the sound of axes grinding will be a perfect foil for the childlike folly of the tabloid paper.”
And what response do you give to critics of the decision to broadcast this special?
”Do they need a response?”
Maybe. Very many people won’t be happy with the decision, we expect, you’re not even balancing it out with a reading of The Observer or Indy.
”So? Those critics are likely to not have voted to deliver an overwhelming mandate to ruin the country. It’s not the BBC’s role to give them a voice.”
S Sands thank you for your time. We look forward to downloading Humphrys full throttle reading the Daily Mail, cutting out the commentary and spamming it across social media very soon.
”You’re welcome. Consider it a public service.”
Like Sands through the hourglass…
”Excuse me?”