Saboteurs and traitors who believe democracy is a process and not an opinion poll were celebrating today with the announcement from government that Brexit has been…
“We wish to make it plain to the reducing number of complete and utter nostalgia deceived lunatics who still support Brexit, oh, and the racists, and the cynical disaster capitalists and the dreamy Lexiters, that we are sorry to say….” Chris Grayling, judged most easily sacrificed after a cabinet poll said, before trailing away.
There was a lengthy pause and Mr Grayling took a gulp of honest oxygen, choked, was revived, propped up and eventually carried on.
”We are sorry to say that the eight thirty five Southern service from Clapham Junction to,” paused again, shuffling of papers, “wrong script. Hang on. That’s my other job. Excuse my aide for their error.”
He stood up. Checked his fly. Called his political agent and asked them to check his latest parliamentary expenses had been processed before sitting down and carrying on with his statement.
”It’s all Jeremy Corbyn and Momentum’s fault. If they hadn’t three line whipped Labour MPs to enable Theresa May to push forward the hard right neocon, tax dodger’s project of Tory Brexit.
Well.
We’re kind of in this big con job together because Milne and Davis are mates. Jesus. Couldn’t we have gotten Patel up for this? Or Greening?”
He checked his fly and then found his courage.
”We’d have been out of government by now if we had an opposition that disagreed with us,” Grayling was clearly off script now, “yes, yes, we’re only here because David Cameron was gutless but I came into politics to enjoy the benefits of the chumocracy, not take real decisions.”
Just finish the statement sacrificial minister.
”Here goes…Brexit has been cancelled because we’ve realised that little understood constitutional law relating to gross incompetence and dereliction of duty means that MP’s future pay will be from the Brexit dividend. And we all know that’s a bloody lie. Can I go now? I’ve got train cancellations to announce?”