The intermediary between Prince Charles and the rest of us has announced today that HRH is to spend the weekend planking a stream in the grounds of Balmoral in preparation for being renamed The Severn Bridge.
”He’s building bridges,” the footman said, “he’s terribly distressed regarding the kerfuffle over those patriotic chaps wanting the rename The Severn Bridge, The Prince of Wales, so he’s devised a compromise to please most parties.”
It seems as part of the Prince’s offer he will allow The Severn Bridge to take his name and position and he will do so in kind.
”He is going to have to take some heavy traffic,” Prince Charles’ man told us, “but if you consider his day to day life, it won’t be much change.”
But while the peace offer shows he is ready and suited to be monarch, not everyone is best pleased by the Prince’s intentions.
”I don’t want to be a bally bridge,” Prince William is reported to have said in private, “I want to be king. I want my first born to be king and his first born, boy or girl, to expect to be king in the fullness of time. A flipping bridge? A common toll bridge at that? I’ve half a mind to stage a palace coup.”
Prince Harry is said to be upset by his father’s plan also.
”What’s that make me then? An overpass on the M4 I suppose? Or a bloody pedestrian bridge? A railway siding at Waterloo? Jesus wept. I’ve half a mind to stage a palace coup. I told my fiancé she had an outside chance at sitting on the throne one day, not at being a multi-story carpark outside Bath.”
As to what The Severn Bridge thinks?
”I’m glad someone thought to ask,” it told us, “I’m going to have a bugger of a time waving and asking people what do you do? But I’ll do just fine at taking the money I suppose.”
As part of the transition it’s understood Charles is to take up residence in Caernarfon Castle, the traditional seat of English power in Wales, so that should please everyone too.