Saint Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters have fallen hook, line and sinker for the Tory government plot to keep the novichok story playing.
”It’s like shooting fish in a barrel,” Boris Johnson MP told LCD Views while hiding in our office from his wife, “the people who back Jezza are like the people who still back Brexit. It’s a faith based position. No wrong thought allowed. I don’t still back Brexit by the way, but I’m kinda nailed to the cross on that one, for now.”
Mr Johnson goes on to explain, while ducking down under the window, that,
”I’m unsackable. Think of all the ghastly crap I’ve done just since becoming Secretary of State for making the U.K. look ridiculous?”
We do. Constantly.
”I’ll leave post when I think it’s time to knife the Maybot in the back, chest, face and wherever else I fancy when I make my final bid to be PM.”
This depends on how you gauge Rees-Mogg?
”Correct. Fantabulous.”
So you cant be sacked by May if Porton Down contradicts some definitive statements of yours over the Skripal case?
”She didn’t sack me when I adlibbed on Nazanin and made her hot pot hotter. In another age and time my goose was cooked. But not in the kingdom of lies.”
So you’re saying the news that Porton Down not being able to verify the nerve agent was made in Russia is just another Tory dead cat on the table?
”Of course!” Boris accidentally stood and then ducked again, “his supporters are so fanatical, so desperate to counter the right wing press smears they’ll grab at anything. They’re falling right into the trap and doing the work for us!
You think a Daily Mail reader is going to believe the truth?
Amd how the hell can Porton Down prove it without access to Russian labs?
This buys us days of distraction regarding Cambridge Analytica. Time to rub out more of the trail. What! What!”
Well that makes sense.
”Nothing makes sense,” Boris winked, “Thats the Putin playbook.”