Boris has promised this reduction in working hours in response to the latest statistics. Manufacturing is shrinking and prices are rising. As usual, there is a madness to Boris’s method.
“Tourism is vital to the economy,” he gibbered. “With a four-day weekend, we can all spend time and money in Cornwall! Boost the economy and have one’s hols at the same time!”
But working shorter hours means less pay. Nobody will be able to afford the price of a Cornish holiday.
“Nonsense, pish and tush, my dear fellow,” Boris burbled. “We will simply work smarter!”
Those of us who remember the 1970s will remember hardship and power cuts.
“Ooo! They were great fun!” waffled Boris. “We all remember Nanny and the butler scrabbling for candles in the pantry. At least that’s what Father told me they were doing.”
Power cuts are a distinct possibility, since new trade deals must be struck to import the Chinese coal and Arabian oil we need to keep the lights on. Transition means endless delays and deferments.
It will become mandatory for all citizens to carry emergency candles. There is, apparently, no truth in the rumour that the three day week is being promoted by Candlestick Analytica.
We sought the opinion of Work & Pensions secretary Esther McVey. She was in the Westminster dungeons forcing Anna Soubry to write out “Brexit Means Brexit” a million times.
“Sounds like a plan,” she agreed, cracking her whip. “We will, of course, also have to ration food as a precaution. Your blue passport will entitle you to collect a pint of gruel every week, whether you need it or not.”
McVey returned to the party whip.
“Random power cuts are a small price to pay for our independence and freedom,” she commented. “Write that down too, Soubry!”
Hold A Candle For Freedom is destined to be the next government slogan.