LCD Views has a breaking report from Heathrow air traffic control that an out of control hot air balloon drifting across the English Channel has been identified as Boris Johnson.
”Shortly after lunch time GMT today reports from aircraft arriving from or flying to the continent stated there was a large, overinflated, unifentified flying object drifting uselessly across the English Channel towards France,” a statement from Heathrow said, “the blueberry coloured object appeared to be direction less and with no capable pilot.”
Heathrow air traffic control enacted emergency security procedures, contacting the RAF who scrambled a pair of Eurofighter Typhoons to intercept, and if necessary, destroy the flying hazard.
”Initial reports from RAF interceptors said the object was a hot air balloon. Further flybys established it was in fact a serving minister of state, Boris Johnson MP for Boris Johnson.”
Even though the danger to aviation was clear, it was decided not to burst the balloon at this time.
”The RAF pilots were instructed to escort Boris Johnson, however his course was so unpredictable and erratic they were unable to track the hot air balloon and had to return to base, having exhausted their fuel.”
All flights to and from Heathrow have been diverted, at great expense, while a decision is made as to what to do about the aviation hazard.
”It’s expected Boris Johnson will shortly make a public statement on Russia, in order to deflect from the shambles of the government, or any other shiny thing that catches his eye.”
This will cause him to deflate enough to descend to the ground, where he will resume his standard role as an obstacle to cross border trade via the roads.