Revelations about Boris’s murky past have made the news, as a former lover kisses and tells. Adult movie star Drizzly Daniels claims she had a brief affair with Boris back in the 1980s.
“I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met Boris,” Drizzly told LCD’s Bonking Boris correspondent. “This big, blond chap picked me out, said he would shake me up, and turn me into someone new.”
Did you want him?
“Not particularly. But I was intrigued,” she replied. “He would give me a fresh start, and I would give him what he wanted.”
Which was?
“He wanted me to wibble with his fol-de-rol, then treat him to a Drizzly Special.”
What’s a Drizzly Special?
“You’ll have to watch my movies to find that out!”
Fair enough.
“So we got down to business. Only he forgot his side of the bargain,” she said, a little bitterly. “He told me he was going to be big. That much is true. But even then I knew I could find a much better place, either with or without Boris. He dropped me faster than a Brexit promise.”
Drizzly revealed that she has been instructed to keep quiet about the affair. “I was told to keep schtum about the gagging order,” she said. “Boris doesn’t want people to know he’s into bondage.”
In London, Boris denied the rumours categorically. “I’ve heard of Drizzly Daniels, yes, yes, yes, who hasn’t?” he stammered. “Quite a hero of mine in my youth. And yes, there were so many cocktail bars, so many waitresses. Well, it was the eighties, wasn’t it? Porsches, red braces and money to burn!”
But did you ever meet Drizzly?
“No, no, no, absofurtingly not!” he retorted. “Anyone who says that I’m into all that Drizzly stuff is a cad and a bounder! Good day to you!”
So, who should we believe? A flaky, cynical chancer, or Drizzly Daniels?