Doctor Hannibal Lectre has spoken exclusively to LCD Views today to tell us he is “confident of remaining Downing Street doctor, as Theresa May doesn’t fire anyone no matter how serious the charge.”
The Doctor has good reason to be confident of keeping his position when you consider the scandals and lying that have enveloped May’s cabinet.
”I admit that Ms Patel was forced to resign for attempting to funnel British taxpayer’s money to a foreign military, but that was only because Ms May doesn’t like her on a personal level. The actual wrongdoing wouldn’t have been sufficient otherwise. And she still got to resign, which means she can come back when it’s perceived she maybe an electoral asset.”
The Doctor went on to list several well known names and the charges against them, and Ms May’s inability to fire them.
”Boris Johnson? An incompetent clown who systematically alienates people he is supposed to befriend. A prime minister with any backbone would have fired him multiple times. I personally wouldn’t cannibalise him. Too much fat. Not enough meat. And that’s just in the brain.”
Liam Fox, a man who hides friends behind curtains.
”David Davis. Caught lying to parliament and no action. This is because his job is to lie to parliament. His liver is Swiss cheese by the way, you’re welcome to it.”
Jeremy Hunt? Dismantling the health service piece by piece as instructed to do.
The Doctor says he would make a good soup.
”Chris Grayling? I wouldn’t even fatten my hogs on him.”
But surely the Doctor’s own crimes are so bad as to warrant at least demotion?
”Did I systematically lie to an entire country in order to put it on the slab to be cannibalised by tax havens? That’s what the good Mr Johnson and Michael Gove have done. By the way, if you see Michael please warn me, he’s the only man alive who scares me.”