The Labour Party was in a celebra-tory mood last night following a headline catching win for Labour over Labour.
”It’s a taste of the victories to come,” A Sect, spokesman for the victorious Labour Party said, “we’ve shown over confident Labour it can be beaten, not only by the worst Tory government for generations thanks to our refusal to fight Nigel Farage’s vision for the United Kingdom, but also by Labour.”
The win was welcomed by their neocon stooge Brexit colleagues at Westminster.
”I’d like to personally thank Jeremy Corbyn for his timing of the win for Labour,” All The Conservative Party said, “people are starting to push to expose our possible and probable links to Cambridge Analytica. Labour’s win over Labour couldn’t have come at a better time. It buys us more time to shred stuff, burn things and invent a convincing message for how CA and Brexit campaigns are in no way linked.”
But it wasn’t all celebration. Labour’s Brexit spokesman Keir Starmer was found in a thoughtful mood.
”You know last Tuesday?” he asked LCD Views, “of course you do. You couldn’t be here if you didn’t.
Last Tuesday was the first day for as long as I can remember when Momentum activists didn’t tweet and retweet and email and pm ‘yellow Tory blairite shill’ at me. I was pretty upset. I’ve got some Stockholm Syndrome going on nowadays. But thankfully it’s going to be okay.
The old inbox is piling up with people this morning warning me not mistake the clear warning Owen’s fate holds for all Labour MPs about wrong thought on Brexit or anything else. So that’s nice.”
Surprisingly too Vladimir Putin commented on Labour’s win over Labour.
”I’m just glad Corbyn didn’t go all Owen Smith at me over the Skripal business. I didn’t realise at the time how lucky I was.”
This story will presumably unfold further over the next few days, but we’ll give A Sect the last word.
”We’ve replaced the broadchurch with a narrow chapel. You’re welcome to come inside, but you probably won’t be allowed to stay if you can’t think right.”
Excellent. The party’s electoral appeal must have changed noticeably in the last 24 hours. Keep up the good work.