Nigel Farage is the focus of a cross Europe police hunt this morning after smashing up the Gutenberg press to protest the decision by the Home Office to award manufacture of the patotriotic blue passport to a Franco-Dutch business, and not a British one with a French name.
”Europol issued the arrest warrant shortly after 5am for a man described as a human ashtray made from reptile skin, slippery, shadowless, hollow, deeply hypocritical and clutching a German passport in one hand and a hammer in the other,” LCD’s cultural Luddite correspondent reports.
CCTV footage shows the man swaying on the pavement outside of the museum in Gutenberg at 4am, shouting at passers by and demanding bags of money in either roubles or Euros, and also demanding to be shown the location of the nearest Belgian waitress.
”The hammer is believed to have been made in China,” our correspondent continues, “although it’s expected Mr Farage will write Sheffield on the expenses form.”
Questions why an elder statesmen of British political life would indulge in criminal behaviour and damage a priceless cultural and technological artefact from European history haven’t been asked.
”He was happy to stand in front of a billboard mirroring Nazi propaganda during the EUref campaign.
Her Majesty’s Government was happy to validate his agenda and make it our international policy, the leader of the official opposition has also aligned himself with all this by backing Brexit, so smashing up an invaluable tool for sharing knowledge is not exactly surprising.
More so, given the current policy foundations of Westminster decision making are predominantly ignorance and magical thinking, which is Brexit.”
But it’s bekeived Mr Farage’s protest will have one exciting outcome.
”It shows everyone, everywhere that Global Britain is not to be messed with. We’re going to lay out new rules for trade deals and people are going to sign up. If they don’t Nigel will pull a stunt and that’ll learn ‘em.”
LCD Views commends Nigel for his courage and we believe with this symbolic act of destruction he has rewritten European history, again.