LCD Views has an exclusive interview to print, broadcast and give away from the back of lorries today like some rag called The Metro.
”Will, of the people, has moved to distance himself from the people after the Cambridge Analytica revelations,” Rosie Searchlight explains,
“it’s highly probable the people will have something bad to say about Will, so we thought we’d let him get in first before he hears what they say.”
So it’s not a rebuttal?
”Of course it’s a rebuttal, Will has been spying, data mining, going through the trash of and eavesdropping on the people for years now, it’s not like he needs to hear what they’re going to say to rebut what they’ll say.”
Actually that makes sense.
So when are we printing the interview?
“He said he’d drop it over after he finishes shredding every bit of paper in his office and home, car and second cousins house. And burning all his computer servers.”
But don’t you need to look like you’ve interviewed him?
”Of course not. I agreed to allow an app called ‘Kittens! Kittens! More kittens!’ access to my Facebook profile back in 2010. Will knows everything I fear. He’ll know what I want to hear.”
It sounds like you’ll be leaving us for a job on Newsnight or one of the BBC Radio 4 flagship political spots soon.
“Oo! Do you think so? I’ll ask Will what the producers at the Beeb are thinking about me when he drops by.”
But doesn’t the data mining scandal put another set of concrete shoes on the feet of Brexit? We all know Will of the people is overwhelmingly in support of getting our sovereignty back.
”Not if Will can burn all the evidence first. And besides, thanks to Will’s legitimate work analysing the personal preferences, likes and dreads of the people supporting Brexit, he’s got them in emotionally. They will cling on stubbornly to stop other emotions taking over.”
Other emotions like what?
”The sense of being completely and utter conned, lied to by elected representatives and generally made a total ass.”
It sounds like the people need to distance themselves from Will too.
What emotion will this realisation of a con and stitch up presented as democracy cause?
”Embarrassment. Shame. Self loathing. Anger and probably self-pity. I can’t be certain how the duped people will react. Some will just tune out in response. Others may switch and work to take down the lying bastards who’ve tried to strip away their democracy though. Hopefully enough to make a change. Welcome those people.”
I know who will can ask, to find out who will do what.
”Yes. Will, he knows already.”
What about the gutless politicians who have gone with the “will of the people”?
”You mean like Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn and others?”
Yes.
”If they’ve half a brain they’ll see this as a get out of jail card.”