UKIP are reportedly on the brink of party collapse as all the racists are happy to vote Conservative again.
”It’s appalling. The British people have betrayed us,” temporary leader, Mr Someone Disgusting, told LCD Views.
”We expected to collapse in line with the United Kingdom as a whole, not in a great steaming bankrupt heap first.”
How does Mr Disgusting explain the loss of support for his party?
”It’s sabotage by the main parties. Most notably those grasping bastards the Tories, but Labour playing the race card on immigration and wages, is a stab in the back also.
They’re nicking our scripts out of convenience. We would sue for IP theft, if we could afford to. Which we can’t.”
What about Nigel Farage? Can’t he be persuaded to help out the fetid steed that has carried him so far?
”He won’t return our calls! Or if we phone him from a phone box and he picks up expecting someone from, well, overseas, calling on a burner or whatever, he pretends to be going into a tunnel and shouts “Woo! Woo!” like a steam train, then hangs up.”
What about increasing membership fees? Call it a patriotic levy?
”Most of our remaining members are potless. It’s how we convinced them to back us in the first place. That and positioning ourselves as more racist outwardly than the Tories, but not quite as bad as the BNP. You know, the respectable middle ground for British racists.”
Is there anyway we can help?
”Can you get Nigel back?”
We wouldn’t piss on Nigel if he was on fire.
”Well, claim the Tories are betraying Brexit!”
But that is Brexit. Brexit means betrayal.
”You’re trying to wind me up. I’m not biting. I left my teeth in the glass beside my bed. What do you suggest we do?”
”Maybe just ape the BNP now?”
”Show our true colours? Not just yellow and purple.”
”That’s right. Show people what you’re really like. No one is coming to help you. You’ve served your purpose mate.”