The new Brexit dictionary has been removed from the shelves as it was sadly lacking in detail. In fact it only defined three words, and poorly at that.
Linguistic expert Ettie Mology slammed the Dictionary. “This is the most pathetic, feeble attempt at a book that I have seen in a long time!” she fumed. “I know the government is running out of ideas, but really! None of the definitions makes sense.”
Brexit supremo David Davis begged to differ. “I wrote and approved it myself!” be bragged. “I have devoted many long seconds to its preparation!”
Mology suggested that the many blank pages were intended for Davis to do crayoning during Brexit negotiations. It is entirely coincidental that the Dictionary, which retails at £350m a week, comes with a free packet of Crayolas.
The Dictionary defines ‘gullible’ as ‘prepared to have faith in the government’s Brexit strategy’. ‘Strong’ is defined as ‘see stable’, and ‘stable’ as ‘the ability to prop up a minority by buying votes’, with a note to the effect that it has nothing to do with horses.
Far from being underprepared and lacking in substance, that is not the real reason for the withdrawal, Davis reveals. “There was a significant oversight, alas,” he confessed. “We accidentally omitted the word ‘Brexit’!”
The reprint – which will have traditional blue covers – will contain the word Brexit in all its glory. Davis revealed that the definition of Brexit will be ‘Brexit’.
“Unfortunately, this means that the cost of the Brexit Dictionary will increase,” said Davis breezily. “But it will all work out for the best. Every household will be obliged to own a copy of the Little Blue Book.”
Lovers of languages will doubtless be apoplectic with the diminution of the rich tapestry that is the English tongue. “It’s a debasement, a sacrilege,” commented Mology. “The government is attempting to drag us down to its level.”
Boris Johnson is said to be distressed that the Dictionary omits some of his favourite words, like ‘fibblefabble’.