Gavin Williamson MP, Defence Secretary for an unidentified country, has launched a scathing attack on some Russian guy who likes sending Russian woman to dine and play sports with important British men.
The men maybe weak through lust and avarice, or they may just be idiots.
“Who allegedly sends a bag man without a bag?” Gav fumed, struggling with an armful of silver pieces, “I can’t hide all this if I can’t keep hold of it. Allegedly.”
Allegedly.
It’s not entirely, allegedly, clear what the thirty pieces of alleged silver were for, although reports suggest it was delivered as a result of a hot lunch date with one of the aforementioned Russian women with close links to the Kremlin.
But a minister of state, a parliamentarian would never be so dumb as to get caught out with his pants down.
“It’s tacky,” Williamson said, “just because I had a little fling with a junior female employee some years back, that doesn’t mean I’m susceptible to female charms oodling my ferocious mind now I’m in control of a nuclear arsenal borrowed from America, along with the planes we need for leaky Elizabeth.”
While the full story of the £30,000 (30 pieces adjusted for inflation) pounds donated to Williamson is yet to come out, it does fit into a curious pattern for MPs of the unidentified country.
Boris Johnson and David Cameron were paid £180,000 to play tennis FFS.
A Ms Patel resigned in disgrace after being caught attempting to funnel British taxpayers money to the defence force of a foreign power. Seriously, how is she still an MP? How are any of them?
It’s makes you wonder how many more little payments for entirely innocent causes there are waiting to be revealed, as the rotten ulcer which threatens to infect the entire body politic of the U.K. with septicaemia is day by day revealed.
“I’ve got a spider on my desk,” Williamson snarled, “I’m bloody tough. I’m a mean machine. I frighten toast racks for a living.”
Good luck Gavin. You’re going to need it now you’ve lost your bottle in public.