“Some describe it as the elephant in the room. They see it daily but dare not mention it in public,” these words were spoken by the Secretary of State for Education in an ‘off the mike’ moment on RT Television.
Whilst mainstream media tried to bury the inadvertent gaff, LCD Views turned its searchlight towards Damian Hinds MP to find out more.
“We are bringing back Grammar schools,” said Hinds, “We have all read the Facebook pages and the comments section. There is now irrefutable proof that an overwhelming majority of the UK cannot spell the simplest word correctly.
Whilst I accept the democratic decision of the referendum, it sometimes takes me fifteen minutes to decipher the simplest comment!”
In order to keep a balanced report we sought out a regular 52% comment contributor, Jimmy Wobertson.
“This is the Qweens engleesh we don’t want no forinners messin’ wiv our words. Thats wot brexit is about,” said Jimmy, “we are taken back control of the engleesh langwage. We don’t want no froggy or jerry words furced on us anymure. We want pure engleesh like wot Henry the 8th spoke.”
“When were you at school Jimmy?” we asked.
“Beginnin of the 1980s, in the local comprehensif, it was grate, our teechers had 5 cse’s at best and spent most of there time on strike So I had loadsa time at home playin ping pong on a BBC acorn computer.”
“This is all the EU’s fault,” said Damian Hinds MP, “once brexit is completed, following the open ended ‘implementation phase.’ There will be enough money slushing around in the treasury coffers to issue an AI robot zpell checer for the 52% who voted leave.”
Forget sovereignty or taking back kontrol, we need to return to grammar an skool spelling tests for the written word once more, so we can at least understand the debates on social media. One area in which we can immediately take back control.