Fresh fears today that any post Brexit free trade deal with the United States will mean the UK is forced to import lesser quality US made silver and gold spoons, as the cost of securing a deal, with the revelation that US negotiators have demanded access to the UK market for US made ‘royals’.
“It’s a bit rum,” our team of royal correspondents summarised the situation,
“Brexit is about returning sovereignty to the British people, even the ones who don’t want it, which maybe most of them by now, but to think it may mean a bunch of blowhard yanks standing alongside Her Majesty? It’s just not on. Our chosen people were chosen by the Norman Invasion of 1066. There’s hardly the line of pedigree across the pond.”
British reservations may not count for much though.
It has been revealed that in initial conversations, prior to Christmas, lead American negotiator William Frankville-Charlesburger Blundermuss the fourth, made it clear that American made aristocrats must be stamped and sealed as acceptable for waving at people in the UK if we want a deal.
“We suspect the US manufactured, mildly mafia-ish inheritance royals, could ask someone ‘and what do you do?’ as well as British made ones, but they would presumably do it with a level of swagger that is unacceptable under British regulations.
Well, with the exception of Prince Andrew.”
We asked the government for comment on these revelations.
“There is no concern at all that the British made royal family, carefully refined over centuries of intermarriage with other European inheritance rackets will be forced into arranged marriages with Trumps.
It’s just not going to happen. We’d have to be exceptionally desperate to allow it.
So it’s highly unlikely, so long as Ivanka stays married to Jared and Donald to Melania, at any rate. It’s not like we’re starving, yet.
Prince William and Prince Harry are taken. So that really only leaves Prince Andrew as available to…”
At this point there was a sharp intake of breath and the phone sounded to have been dropped. But we could still just hear what was said next, “Call it off! Brexit! No. No. Not breakfast! Brexit! Bloody hell.”