LCD Views can barely contain itself with the latest release of Labour’s detailed Brexit plan now including a promise that Jeremy Corbyn himself will wash the feet of people who lose their jobs if Labour’s ‘jobs go first Brexit’ is adopted as “the” Brexit.
“It’s insane,” A Intern said, while washing the coffee mugs in the LCD kitchenette, “to think if you sack me after Brexit our lord and saviour Jeremy Corbyn himself will come around to my parents’ house and wash my feet? Intense flavour man.”
The additional offer is being made to double down on the success of Labour’s promise to remove the United Kingdom from the 21st century as surely as their parliamentary co-conspirators, the Conservatives are promising to.
“Do I have to get in line behind the steel workers? The aerospace employees? The service sector types? Or will I get preferential treatment because I refuse to question Labour’s constant hedging on the biggest public policy issue for generations because they don’t want to upset voters who can’t be bothered to educate themselves about the impact of Brexit?
And because we all know JC is a miracle worker and will easily solve all of society’s ills with or without money in the public purse. To actually question Corbyn’s actions on Brexit is heresy. It makes your personally responsible for the death of homeless people right now.
You only have to talk to a Momentum activist on Twitter to be told that. Often for three or four days in a row after a one or two exchange conversation. They are winning hearts and minds.”
We think you have to get in line, regardless of how closely you adhere to dogma. Support for Brexit is a matter of principles for the Labour leadership.
“Can they conduct a lottery? Will it happen on a Saturday before I do my weekly sock change?”
You’ll have to wait for further details.
“It’s kept me behind the boy, who cares about the how and why?
The most important thing is that the government and official opposition are working together to remove the UK from the largest trading bloc on earth at a time of rising protectionism.
And most importantly, when that clown currently US commander in chief is looking to start trade wars, to distract from all that Russian mafia money laundering and collusion stuff which will lead to his impeachment or resignation.”
Yes, the timing of Brexit could not be more perfect.
The BBC however have been quick to jump on Corbyn’s offer.
“What kind of soap will he be using? Will it be allotment compliant? How can Labour promise to wash so many feet when the country’s water supplies are so strained from decades of underinvestment to enrich shareholders in utilities?
Now, let’s talk to Iain Duncan Smith and let him talk uninterrupted for ten minutes.”
Quite.
Jeremy Corbyn himself could not be reached for comment as he was busy coordinating the next round of Brexit debates in parliament with his old friends in the Tory party, from the days when they were all parliamentary outsiders together.